Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
