My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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