Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
