I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
