You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize