just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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