I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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