I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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