I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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