I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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