I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
