...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
