Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your dad touched me again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
