oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
