If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
