thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
