So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i love accidental penises.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
