you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
