and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
