I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
