I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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