Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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