Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
