yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
