I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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