dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
