you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
