I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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