how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
