i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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