Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
