it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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