You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
