ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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