thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
