possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
