It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
