I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
