i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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