That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
