he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think your dad took our porno
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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