You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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