I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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