im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
