i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize