Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
