I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
