True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
