Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
