Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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