They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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