I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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