maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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