i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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