i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
