My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
