I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
