I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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