I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
