READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
