I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
