You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
