You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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