Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
