i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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