Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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