Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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