What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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