i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
how drunk are you?
Several
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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