OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
