whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
