PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
