I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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