Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
