It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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