Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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