Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
