Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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