Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
